I didn't realise that people were actually so scared of my Shenzhang (神掌). I mean, people knew that Shenzhang was painful. People knew that my Shenzhang was painful. But I never knew that they would be so scared of it.
An actual conversation between me and Fang Tong:
(pi) FEED THE WORLD™ (^) feeedtheworld.blogspot.com sends C:\Chinese\final survey.doc
(pi) FEED THE WORLD™ (^) feeedtheworld.blogspot.com says:
help me do survey
[ Ŧ ™,Strength and Honour] (F) 简单，没有伤害 says:
..
[ Ŧ ™,Strength and Honour] (F) 简单，没有伤害 says:
u think i got time?
[ Ŧ ™,Strength and Honour] (F) 简单，没有伤害 says:
GAMING NOW!!!
(pi) FEED THE WORLD™ (^) feeedtheworld.blogspot.com says:
yes
[ Ŧ ™,Strength and Honour] (F) 简单，没有伤害 says:
Tiberrian Sun
[ Ŧ ™,Strength and Honour] (F) 简单，没有伤害 says:
dun disturb
(pi) FEED THE WORLD™ (^) feeedtheworld.blogspot.com says:
do it or u will get the shenzhang of ur life the next time i see u
Transfer of "final survey.doc" is complete.
(pi) FEED THE WORLD™ (^) feeedtheworld.blogspot.com says:
good boy
LOL. The above shows an ultimate fear of Shenzhang. And later he did the survey anyhow, so I told him to do it properly. Then he requested for one year immunity from Shenzhang. Impossible.
Therefore we bargained and came to a deal at one month. Now whenever I see him in school, he keeps shaking his ass in front of me to taunt me that I cannot Shenzhang him. I tell him that if he keeps doing that, after the one month is over I shall obliterate his ass. He said he won't do it again. LOL.
In case all of you are blur, Shenzhang is the act of whacking another person's ass. Weird, I know but it became a class tradition back in the days of Sec 1 and 2. We were in the wackiest class, and well Shenzhang was one of the many trademarks of our class. Armpit, G-Force, Cousin Man, Pili Pala Zhang... Ah... I'm starting to miss the ol' days already.
My version of a Shenzhang if you all did not know is Bianpao Shenzhang (Firecracker Palm), which is known more for its extremely loud volume rather than the pain. Of course, the pain is still crazy, and somebody I did it on back in Sec 2 could not sit for one whole hour. LOL all the Sec 2s in my class should be able to guess who it was.
The original name of it is Rulai Shenzhang, which was inspired by Kungfu Hustle which was really popular at that time, and soon more variations of it came out, an example being mine.
Damn I really want to post the AngJJ video here, but then I scared later RI come and chase me for posting a video which depicts the action of "hurting another pupil" LOL. Desmond Tan FTW.
ivan fed the world.
Create your own Friend Test here
In the spirit of FAILING HORRIBLY for Melody's test, I have decided to create one of my own to see how my own friends would fare.
But seeing as I do have a lack of friends who will try this test in the first place, it might take a few days to even fill this board up. Oh well =/
Anyway do not worry about what score you get. I just want everyone to know that everyone is a lovely friend of mine and is greatly cherished. *cannot believe how mushy I am*
Anyway most importantly, have fun with this little test of mine! Bye!
ivan fed the world.
Do the holidays feel very much like school to you? My friend's MSN nick made very good sense: "The irony is that the RI peeps are already feeling tired before the school actually reopens". We all share the same sentiments, huh?
Everyone is counting the homework which we have not done. People at the beginning of the holidays wrote down a list of homework filling up an A4 paper. Could we have finished it? I highly doubt so.
People at the beginning of the holidays were so filled with fervour over the fact that the holidays have arrived.
Case in point: Blogging
At the beginning of the holidays, the blogposts came fast and furious. Some people even posted multiple times in a day. That is because people were filled with the hope that there was time. When reality strikes, or your load of homework falls on top of you, you are left gasping for air, gasping for more time, gasping for survival. Now people are left with absolutely no mood to blog, no mood to do anything rather. This is what Gene said in an actual conversation:
farrkK says:
my blog is dead
farrkK says:
dun feel like posting atm
farrkK says:
i no mood to post
farrkK says:
cos sch restarting
farrkK says:
:(
farrkK says:
depressing
Isn't it sad how people can stop having a mood to do anything because of the looming of our deathday, or rather school reopening?
This is sad, as I think people from other schools face similar stress.
But thinking on the bright side, how bad can it get?
It can only get worse.
ivan fed the world.
So today I went for the above-mentioned carnival to represent the "Youth Wardens" team because my friend Cornelius could not find enough people for the team (and don't start giving me the crap about 滥竽充数). Ironic because among the entire team, there were only 2 wardens and the rest were just friends =/. As such I could not make it in time for the floor hockey training held at Chao Yang. So really sorry Jason and Chee Yang about that.
Anyway we got signed up for soccer, basketball and captain's ball, and I think I got sunburnt because the sun hates me for some reason.
Soccer - We got our ass handed to us, because the other teams were freaking pros -.- They had their own jerseys and football boots, and we wore simple t-shirts and sneakers, so yea the difference was there. Volareh beat us 3-0 so that was the end of our soccer road.
Basketball - We were initially supposed to get walkovers until we win because nobody else signed up except us. But last minute two teams signed up. So we won our first match and was supposed to play the finals, but were given a walkover - because the opponent was Volareh, whom I guessed were too freaking tired to play on.
Captain's ball - Two teams signed up. We lost. 2nd place.
Anyway we shared the prizes and I managed to get a hamper back home, which was intended to be 2nd prize for captain's ball for the entire team. So yea you can say I'm a koper =X
Then I also took one envelope containing two Golden Village movie vouchers, and this time I took my fair share because it was split fairly among the team. Cornelius took the trophy because he's team captain, Yew Jin took 4 movie vouchers for himself and took 2 for Nigel who left early, and Ryn took 4 to share between him and Ric who played earlier. The rest left really really early.
For all my RI friends who do not know who the hell those people I mentioned above are, there are always pictures for you to drool at.
The hamper, with multiple prizes included.
The stuff inside the hamper. Included are chocolates, Mamee, chrysanthemum tea, assorted cereals, and a Nike water bottle.
This was also in the hamper, but due to its uber cuteness, it deserves a picture on its own. Awww.
Anyway, I got injured also on my left knee. Was playing captain's ball when the overzealous me
went crazy and decided to chiong for the ball to intercept the pass. And then, a girl suddenly came between me and the ball, so I was caught between a dilemma on both sides.
Evil side: You know you want to fall on her to use her as a cushion to break your fall. Besides, its her fault for coming between you and the ball.
Good side: Nooo, you are a gentleman Ivan. You must do what a gentleman does and move to the side to evade her! Besides, she's so boney anyway, falling on her also will pain!
Evil side: Ah shut up, better than falling embarrassingly on my left side just to save her from her fault.
Good side: NOOOOO!
*poof*
So the gentlemanly side of Ivan won at the end of the day, and I fell to my left rather awkwardly, and of course scratched myself. Ow. Then all the plasters and bandages at the First Aid Department could not work, because:
1) I was sweaty
2) The wounds were on my knee
3) The bandages just suck -.-
Anyway here's the picture of my wound just to show you (it isn't actually that big):
Pretty cool eh? My blood clot is still bright red.
Yep that's that for the day. Bye people! And yea once again sorry Jason and Chee Yang.
ivan fed the world.
Damn I failed.
Now don't get me wrong I failed plenty of things, which comes pretty naturally as the leader of the Dark League - Maths, Chemistry, Physics, chinese (I still do not respect it), Biology... and the like. Now that I look back at my glorious past, I do realise that I have failed alot of things, and will leave a legacy with my untouchable grades.
HOWEVER, however, I failed something else. No not any academic subjects, I'm used to that. I failed something else. Now Ivan Chong does not fail anything except in the academic field.
Do I fail in sports? No.
Do I fail in CLE? No. (That might very well change if its the veggie marking it. Along with "Interpersonal relationships - Excellent" for the class outcast.)
Do I fail in Philosophy? No. Oh wait... yes. I failed my CCT. But that's a different story. And it is an academic subject anyway, come to think about it, so yea I think failing Philosophy is justifiable.
In any case, Ivan Chong rarely, if not doesn't, fail in any non-academic sphere. So what did you fail? What did you fail so badly, Ivan Chong?
Talking about fail so badly, I fail lots of my academic subjects, but most of them are at the borderline. An example? Chemistry I got 17/35.
I usually do not fail so badly. But this time, this time I failed bad. I failed it real bad. And so, I got used to borderline failing. When a REAL failure pops up, I am shocked. Doubly shocked if you add in the fact that it's non-academic. Triply shocked if the failure is about myself.
Now all of you must be like "Ah shut the hell up and tell us what you failed."
You see here, I did not fail anything. I failed! Which is pretty hard to explain, really. But the key point remains - I failed!
You: "So... how badly did you fail Ivan?"
Ivan: "As badly as Bethlehem kthxbai."
ivan fed the world.
Actually technically speaking, I am writing this as of 3am the next day, so this blogpost is one day late. But who cares? Certainly not I, and certainly not Ric or my church friends who do not read this blog anyway.
So, we went to Ric's house for his birthday party. I got there and met my church friends, and then went along to pick up a few of my ex-primary school friends. With me exuding Super-friendly Ivan Aura™, of course we caught up to each other quickly and started chatting and talking cock.
From St. Pat's the old friends I met were: Irwin, Samuel
From St. Joseph's: William (OMFG HE'S TALLER THAN ME! I AM HUMILIATED!), Edgar
I gave Ric my birthday present, which was a soccer ball. Price is undisclosed. Why did I pick soccer ball? Three reasons.
1) From the last time, he said that he had to borrow his cousin's ball so we could play soccer. From there I inferred that he had no soccer ball of his own.
2) When I called him and asked him what we were to be doing at his party, he said he didn't know. So maybe a soccer ball would lift some of the boredom.
3) If I give him a ball, I can suan him by saying he has no balls so I had to buy for him. But of course, the gentlemanly Ivan just would not say such coarse stuff, and I didn't follow through with it.
And so after talking some cock, we (St. Pat's clique and I) felt hungry, and launched into our eating. The food on the menu - bee hoon, chicken wings (felt abit uncooked. never mind no diarrhoea yet), satay, and ice cubes. Yes, ice cubes. The ice cubes were shaped in stars, some random shapes, and hearts. So we were having fun laughing at those people with relationship scandals who ate the heart-shaped ice cubes. Cornelius quickly spit out his heart-shaped cube lol.
Then we were saying that this could be a way of confession.
Put the ice cube in your mouth, and go "I *show ice cube in your mouth* you". Kind of creative actually. Might do that as some kind of confession to a girl in the future. The far future. The very far future. The never-ever.
Then I went to talk to my old friend William and told him I could thrash him in table tennis now. He seemed psychologically rattled, but regained his composure by claiming he wants to play with me one of these days and defeat me soundly to prove me wrong. I'll be waiting :D
Then we talked about the past (our primary school days), the present (now, duh.), and the future (future aims, what jc we want to go to. i'm basically stuck.). With that, I left the SJI clique. By the way, they kind of had a shocked look when I told them I was from RI. Typical, huh.
Then we went along to sing birthday song, take pictures etc. Then came to traditional tossing of the birthday boy into the pool, courtesy of the SJI guys. Then the church girls came along and tried to toss cake into his face. They partially succeeded, but Ric came to take revenge repeatedly by forcing the cake into their faces. Kind of looked like rape. The St. Pat's clique were commenting on how Ric will be a future rapist. I think the way he did it really made him look like one. He's not reading this anyway so I can say what I want hehe :D Anyway the people he raped: Clarissa, Melody (Actually you two brought it upon yourselves. Knowing Ric, he MUST and WILL take revenge. That vengeful fella...)
Then well, after that, no offence but it was boring. Nothing to do but play songs from our handphones. I personally did not play, but the other guys did. Their types of songs were:
- Techno (courtesy of Irwin the Ah Beng)
- Emo (Jon Chow - I was going crazy listening to these songs. Happy mood will also turn sad)
- Metal (Almost everyone else. Yucks, totally not my taste. *JANGG JANG JANG* *Sore throat voice RAWR RAWR* Very nice meh? Not for me.)
- Advertisement songs (Delson, Samuel, Irwin - IIII CAN GIVE YOU GATSBYYY GATSBYY GATSBYYY)
Couldn't stand the boredom, and the church girls left also, so no more teasing around. All guys play truth or dare also not fun. So we went to the playground to climb around. Then Ric came along and said he would play truth or dare with us. So we sat down, and then he went away to settle some stuff. He pangseh-ed us, and we were left FREAKING BORED, until we even went to do commando push-ups for fun.
Falling asleep at the playground
Then we decided to leave for home, after waiting for Ric to return, because we decided that we should not just pangseh him like that. Should at least notify the poor guy that we were leaving first. So all of us waited half an hour for him to come back, before telling him we were leaving. Kind of dumb, thinking back about it. Waste time only.
While it was indeed quite boring, I think we cannot blame the birthday boy, because after all there were so many people, and he was busy trying to entertain them all. While he could have done more to entertain us (like bastarding Fabian. HE WAS FREAKING WILLING TO BE BASTARD-ED! YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE CHANCE!), I guess that's all that can be expected of him. This type of person, cannot expect much one la huh? XD
Then took the same bus as Fabian home, and talked about some relationship stuff, and whether we would be holding birthday parties as well. He said he can hold because his birthday is right after 'O' levels and 'N' Levels finish. Lucky him. Mine is right smack in the middle of everything, so yea no celebration for me I guess. Same as every year...
Anyway, after this MARATHON POST, the bottomline is: Happy birthday Ric! Be a good sixteen year old boy ok? :D
ivan fed the world.
Everyone is posting all their "OMG two weeks of holiday is over OMG I got shitload of homework/project/assignment/performance task to do" posts now, so I figured, "Hey, why be different?"
Well the amount of homework is unprecedented that's for sure. Throughout Sec 1, 2 and 3, we have not received this amount of homework all at once before. In fact I think the holiday homework we got (note I do not use the word "received", mainly because it's not welcome) in Sec 1 and Sec 2 combined cannot even match up to our homework now.
Shawn said it's because its the last time they can give us holiday homework so they're spamming us now. There's no reason to disagree with that statement, because after all we endured 3 years of shit, so why not drop the biggest piece of shit on us during our last year? Makes sense right?
It is also with deep regret, however, that I have absolutely no motivation to do any work at all. ANY. The fact that I forgot all the Maths formulae, the Physics theories, the chinese*... (Oh wait, I never knew chinese* in the first place) is not helping matters. I actually have to re-study everything to do the homework, which is not something on top of my list now because there are SOOOO many more fun things to be done (ie. dota dota and dota =D). Anyway with this kind of motivation to do homework, of course the homework meter still stands at 0%, which is kind of sad considering how people have finished/are close to finishing. I see people's MSN nicks going: "Two weeks are over, it's time to wake up" I read it and think that I really have to wake up and start doing some stuff, but the hours just whizz by when I'm at my computer, and it's just irreversible.
I really do have to wake up soon, I know that. But even though I say that, the procrastinator within me is still overpowering me.
Ivan: "OK TOMORROW I MUST CHIONG HOMEWORK ALREADY!"
Procrastinator Ivan: *turns on computer* "Ahhh yes... dota... Homework can be left to tomorrow I guess."
My willpower is ebbing away, in stark contrast with the number of days left to actually do the homework and the sky-high piles of homework that lie before me, undone.
Yet, what can I do?
* - Do note that I listed chinese without the big C, which just goes to show the massive disregard I have for it. It's like as if I know one language, or I'd even consider the limited knowledge I have of Japanese over my knowledge of chinese, and call Japanese my second language. Yes, it's that bad.
Coincidentally, chinese drops the biggest piece of shit on us. Great, so long and thanks for the fish.
ivan fed the world.
Oh my god. I laughed at this until I nearly fell off the freaking chair.
Gatsby Parody
Watch first before reading the below!
Seriously this is undescribably funny. Cue all the drama, the bleach music, the turning of the camera angle, and then suddenly out pops the classical "IIIIIIIIII CAN GIVE YOU GATSBYYYYYYYYY GATSBYYYYYYYYYYY GATSBYYYYYYYYYYYY". Oh my god I think I nearly died from laughing too much.
The second part at first I didn't watch much. Then I watched it the second time, and I saw the freaking second part of the advertisement, the rubbing face part. I LOL-ed again until I just had to spread this. Damn this is seriously funny.
EDIT: Something I didn't notice until today - on closer inspection, at the second part of the video, the guy who asked the "What happened?" was EATING GATSBY WAX! LOL!
Why the sudden interest in Gatsby commercials and stuff related to them? I have no idea. It's just too funny and random to resist XD
Anyway happy birthday Abigail! Hope you enjoy your life as a sixteen year old from now on =D
ivan fed the world.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CAN GIVE YOU GATSBYYYYYY... GATSBYYYYYYYY.... GATSBYYYYYYY...
Face getting kneaded like dough (supposed to be rubber)
I laughed at this commercial like crazy when it first came out. Totally no link, seriously damn funny method of promoting their product. But then again, looking at the past - "If you're happy and you know it you clap your hair *clap clap*", I think this advertisement is already less lame LOL.
Why am I writing about this? Because for some reason the song keeps playing in my head (looks like it's objective is met o.o), and because it keeps playing on TV, which is why I keep laughing like a madman. Watch all the boring advertisements, and then out pops "IIIIII CAN GIVE YOU GATSBYYYYY". Confirm laugh like mad.
Ah Gatsby commercials... always something to look forward to in a sea of uninteresting advertisements.
ivan fed the world.
When I look at my blog, and I see my face right up there in high resolution, I think - Are pictures really worth a thousand words?
When I look at other people's blogs (i.e. Gene's), other than his works of art, he does not place any pictures. Yet it engages the reader so well to the point of me thinking - Are pictures really worth a thousand words?
When I look at all the great books of the world, I see words, words and more words. Yet they are able to engage the reader and encapsulate the essence of what they want to convey using words, making me think - Are pictures really worth a thousand words?
I honestly do not know what I am writing about now, so just ignore the above reflection. The inspiration for that probably came from looking at my own face on my blog and thinking, "WTF AM I DOING POSTING THIS UP?!"
Damn I'm completely random nowadays.
On a lighter note, Ironman Ivan has almost recovered from his illness and has 90% unblocked nose. Ironically, this came from 2 straight days of sleeping at 4+. No not pm, its am. Yea I do not know how I do it, but I think my biological clock has been turned upside down. I am now very nocturnal *hoot-hoot* (haha!), and can be found at my computer almost 16/7.
I think I seriously need to go out.
Speaking of going out, now that I have recovered, I am ready to pool, soccer, basketball, swim, shop, tennis, table tennis, dota (oh wait I've been doing this all the time :/), etc.
"Ivan, what about your homework?"
What homework?
ivan fed the world.
Went to, or rather attempted to go to Wild Wild Wet today with Jon Gan as part of our Singapore Revisited Geography assignment. This experience has taught me two lessons: Always check about the info of the place you are going beforehand, and always have a backup plan.
1) Checking out the info
The only piece of info we failed to check up upon - the entrance fee. And ultimately, it was the entrance fee that struck Wild Wild Wet off our list - oh wait we only have Wild Wild Wet on our list. So what happens now? D.I.E. Death of Individual Ego (talking shit =/) The price was an exorbitant $12.90 - and that's for entrance alone. $12.90... I wouldn't even spend $12.90 to gain entrance to Buckingham Palace unless they gave me a free lunch and souvenir, and they expected me to pay $12.90 to gain entrance to a chance of drowning. No thank you siree.
2) Backup plan
After striking Wild Wild Wet off our list, we looked at our list and saw BLANK. So realizing that we had no backup plan, Jon Gan came up with some lame ideas. Then he kept praising CHIJMES to the heavens, and when we got there, let's just say that the number of people there could be counted with fingers and toes. So we went to the nearby Raffles City, and took a couple of pictures. Not a bad turnout - but overall deserves a great big meh. Camwhore position #1*:
Afterwards we decided that Raffles City might not be that suitable, and went to VivoCity. There we took a few pictures again, and of course camwhored again*:
And so ended our journey. I actually wanted to go walk around more, but poor Jon Gan lacked the shopping stamina (which I was trained in due to my family background as ninja shoppers with turbo legs and perfect eyesight) so we went home.
* - We did not camwhore for the fun of it. I personally do not like camwhoring, but for the sake of proving we were there, I was forced against my mortal will and had to undergo the agony and embarrassment of looking like camwhores. Two guy camwhores in fact. Yucks.
On a side note, I'm having a TERRIBLE bout of flu now. It's terrible. My nose is like a fire hose (you know, those kind used by firemen to put out fires like 12 stories high), making it blocked and runny. I keep sneezing every 30 seconds until I feel like my brains are going to come out via a sneeze. It's also making me abit feverish. This is not good. I AM IRONMAN IVAN. I WILL NOT FALL SICK. RAWR! *ah-choo*
Shit.
ivan fed the world.
So, I am back from my trip to Malaysia - four gruelling days of both torture and happiness. Why torture? Let's just say it's like a boot camp for all wannabe shoppers who want to keep up with girls. We walked till I could feel the lactic acid dissolving my feet, and I started to view the "chair" as a symbol of evil, because once you sit on it, you will never want to stand up and continue walking again. As a result, I kept walking around without sitting and it was really more effective.
Why happiness? Well you get to buy stuff, why not feel happy about it? Not that I bought alot, and the funny thing is that I bought everything on the first day, the rest of the days were spent on mindless walking to accompany the women. When women go shopping, their legs become turbo-charged and their eyes go from 500 degrees to 0 degrees, so that they can spot every single sale or discount that there is and use their legs to rush there - always remember that.
So instead of talking about it day-to-day, I shall talk about some aspects that were extraordinary about my trip:
1) Snoring
Ok so this is killer #1. The first few nights it was not all that bad, but the last night was a killer. We all shared one room (me, my father and mother, my sister and my auntie), so that's 5 of us squeezing into one teeny-weeny room (I've seen worse. A malay family was squeezing about 7-8 people into one room. I simply cannot imagine...), resulting in some of us sleeping on the floor. But I digress. My father and auntie were like singing a duet - a very audible duet at that. Sometimes they sang together, sometimes they took turns. And they took turns with accuracy. One begins the moment the other stops. It was so bad that I gave up on sleeping and proceeded to watch TV until I feel asleep about 3 hours later (watching Star Wars LOL). Was it so bad? Let's just say that each one of them is comparable to that of Symphony BR, the keyword here being EACH. Yea, that should give you a rough estimate of the horror of it.
2) The bus
Ok this one is humourous. The taxis in Malaysia can refuse to give you a ride, citing reasons like "jam" or something like that. So we were caught in a situation like that, and had to take the bus. We were squeezing in together with all the locals - malays and indians. Everything was proceeding as normal, until the bus driver decided to say something in malay, the only recognisable word being "immigration". Now we were unsure about where we were heading - after all this is a foreign bus, and this just served to make us even more scared. Now the funny part comes. Some people on the bus responded, "Tak-ada!" The bus driver could not hear it properly, so he asked them to answer again. "Tak-ada!" Then the bus driver heard the reply and went "kkk." Now, WTF! Being used to the Singaporean mode of transport, where NO communication is made at all - unless its some person coming on to ask for directions - I am of course shocked at this. I mean, a bus is a bus. It's job is to bring you along a set route, not like choose between different places or something. Imagine this:
Bus driver: "So do you want to go to Pasir Ris or Jurong?"
People - majority: "Pasir Ris!"
People - minority: "Jurong!"
Bus driver: "Ok the majority voted for Pasir Ris, so we are going there. No complaints."
People - minority: "..."
What is the world coming to?
3) The road trip
The road trip TO Malaysia was okay, but the road trip BACK was a killer for my ass. Put shenzhang, kancho, and all ass-abusing activities together, and you get the feeling I was getting back then. We were stuck in this multiple pile-up jam, which was caused by a combination of heavy rain and speeding. The jam stretched for freaking miles and a marathon runner could probably get past that stretch faster than a car. Stuck in there for 2 hours, moving a grand distance of about 1 km, of course my ass was going to feel the strain. And with my auntie being a little oversized, yea. I think you get the point. My ass was flattened and drained of blood. The feeling lasted until the next morning, where it suddenly disappeared. Ah, the wonders of sleeping. Maybe Gene was right after all. But I'm still not going to follow it :D
My hands are trembling now, probably to go along this route:
C:/Anime/Bleach/Bleach_-_ 127.rmvb
Yea Bleach withdrawal symptoms are back. Must go watch it now bye.
ivan fed the world.